


This Could Be The End of Me

by ekzxo (2870)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied Mpreg, Implied miscarriage, M/M, adding on after reveals :), celebrity!kai, daddy!kai, daddy!sehun, heavy angst then pure domestic fluff, vlogger!sehun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-01-29 03:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21403729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2870/pseuds/ekzxo
Summary: In the midst of rebuilding his career to move on from all of his life's misfortunes, he finds out his ex is doing better without him, and with a child. His life doesn't feel like it's getting better at all, until Sehun confronts him.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 20
Kudos: 160
Collections: #BabyMakingFest2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the baby making fest prompt that goes something like: Sehun and Jongin had a terrible argument which resulted in a miscarriage. Sehun forced Jongin out of his life. Jongin finds him again somehow with a baby that is the same age as the one he and Sehun would've had together. 
> 
> Prompt BMF #: 145  
Pairing: Jongin/Sehun  
Carrier: Sehun  
Pregnancy: after  
Babies: “2”
> 
> Thank you prompter and mod. 
> 
> This was so fun for me to write, I got deeply very lost in the brief angst but please do not let it steer you away, I promise all of that will blow over after happiness begins. :) 
> 
> enjoy the journey ~~

Jongin indulges on stale bread and an over cooked chicken breast in the balcony attached to his kitchen after his strenuous gym routine. Somehow his assistant was muddled with his day schedule and the chef’s vacation schedule, giving them both three days off. Otherwise either one of them would be stocking up his fridge because Jongin is incompetent when it comes to looking for the right poultry or appropriate noodles. 

He isn’t really allowed to step foot outside of his house alone either unless he wants to be apart of a chaotic mob and have a left nut robbed from him — _ yeah _, his fans are that crazy. But he appreciates and adores them despite that. Ignoring the fits of frenzy or the accusations on exaggerated rumors, he loves his platform and those who are there for him. They make him feel whole, accepting him as he is and support him to no end. They give him a different meaning for love, even if they were the reason for his very first heartbreak. 

Without them, he would be alone.

It’s often that Jongin _ feels _ the emptiness of his own home. He hears his floors creak with every step he takes, and the lack of more body heat in his home gets to him as well when all windows are shut and he still gets the feeling of coldness embracing him. He’s making this all feel like a horror movie, which, he’s not afraid of anything like that. It just all gives emphasis to how lonely he could get sometimes.

With the view he has, a three story modern architectural house in the higher part of the hills, he can see everything. He doesn’t mean to look, but he often sees the backyard of the neighbors below him on the hill between the trees. A married (_ he thinks _) couple, three boys and two girls, and then some pets. He envies them, but wouldn’t spit his food on them— even if this chicken is not his style.

As he sees them even now, he can’t help but feel a funny sensation in his chest. He doesn’t even have _ Assistant Yeol _to comfort him over this feeling that he’s never bothered to share. He decides to go inside and call some other staff of his since he doesn’t necessarily have friends anymore.

While placing his items into the dishwasher, Jongin types a tweet:

_ love u guys so much, let’s make it a good day? :) _

He hits send and receives instant responses bidding him happiness and health within different words and structures that always make his heart swoon. He tweets like this for a reason because his fans never fail him.

Though as his usual surfing goes, there are always pecilar tweets. Some incoherent things like _ aklsskdjidns yES BAbyyyy _ or _ choke me with your vocal cords _always catch his attention, in its strange and vulgar ways. A minute into it this time, it’s not strange nor vulgar, just peculiar in its own way.

Beneath Jongin’s original tweet, amongst a plethora of others is a photo attachment to a tweet that says: 

_ jongin ~~ meet baby yoonoh, he looks like baby jongin <<333 (((: _

The child has soft features, like any would have, but he happens to attract Jongin differently. He’s incredibly, insanely cute and Jongin is one for falling in love with children much like his niece and nephew but this baby, Jongin kind of hates how this stranger is making him cave. He has chubby cheeks, like most babies around this time _ he knows _ , but it’s his tiny smile and two front teeth that Jongin finds so adorable. His eye shapes aren’t symmetrical, having one monolid and dual lid for the other — very much reminding him of somebody who had been special to him. That’s probably what gets to Jongin most. Eyes are the gateway to the soul and heart and Jongin’s heart, it pinches upon looking into _ Yoonoh’s _ eyes. 

Knowing how social media works, and how his fans get easy access or allow things to surface so rapidly, he clicks on the tweet and already sees a few people responding to the user. They agree with _ kailuv _ , meanwhile there’s always someone who disagrees. He’d say there’s a resemblance of him in odd ways, that’s why he’s curious and anxious to find the source of this photo. He refreshes it once and manages to see someone with the same thought as his ( _ where’s this from )): whose baby is this _).

huuniepot:_ its my faaaavvvvv vlogger @oohse on twt and yt!! he’s super sweet n charming and does videos w his baby and bff @baekingwbaekhyun _

kailuv: _ ojj a daddy vlogger and baker doin shit together omg this will be fun i wanna binge _

huuniepot:_ actually baking as in UHH he smokes weed while making music lol _

kailuv: _ oh! around the baby?? >:((( _

hunniepot:_ i mean hes kinda an idiot yeah, but not that…. idotic. youd looov him _

Jongin doesn’t read anymore because that bit of information is enough for him to come to a conclusion. There’s so much he wants to do — too much to say — but it’s not suppose to be any of his business. It’s not his business to question how he’s doing, to wish wellness, to ask who’s fucking baby is that? He can’t suddenly appear in his messages, asking for forgiveness or answers that don’t pertain to him. He shouldn’t pry his way into his life again, and ruin whatever he’s built in the past three years. They’ve been separated for that long and Sehun is probably doing better without him anyways. He’s known enough for _ his _ fans to talk about him.

Whatever happiness earned from his favorite source is short lived, ripped away from him because an ex-boyfriend seems to have his life well put together, a child and everything.

When Jongin saw the toddler, he knew it was too strange to be so infatuated with him. And now it’s clear as day that apart of him is made up of _ Oh Sehun _and that fucking sucks. Jongin kind of wishes he never looked at the tweets, so he could of been in love with the baby all on its own without the reality. He also should of figured it was Sehun’s with the way he wore a pink button up and white overalls along with a playful approach on accessories, a pair of thin round-rimmed glasses. That’s very like him.

Everything hurts a thousand needles prickling his heart. He feels numb all over, aching in an unexplainable physical, yet internal pain. Things could be different, but time is irreversible and Jongin fucked up. He doesn’t get second chances even if he’d do anything to change his fate.

The day originally started out terribly anyways, Jongin waking up without his courteous good morning text message (it’s not in Chanyeol’s job requirements to do so on his day’s off anyways), his water faucet was being wonky, flooding his counter. Of course his fucking chicken would be rubbery in his stale ass bread, and now it’s practically confirmed that the love of his life has moved on to the whole extent of having a family with them.

Jongin wonders if the pain is worse then or now. 

He vividly remembers the day everything crashed on them. He remembers the hurt on Sehun’s face during all the stuttering that lead up to his accusation, holding his sixteen week belly with security. He remembers the fall even though it felt blurry and in haste to support him back to his feet. He could almost feel the weight of his _ fiancé _ at the time in his arms as he ushered him into the car. He feels the sheets beneath his fingers as he had stroked Sehun’s hand that had been beneath it. He felt the coldness of the hospital room and the thrumming of his heart beat in silence. The news broke him, but not as much as it tore Sehun apart piece by piece. Sehun was angry prior to him collapsing, but it was a brand new person the moment they found the reason for his fragile body failing him. Sehun was hurt, that was his excuse and Jongin understood, but it didn’t mean that Jongin couldn’t be as well. Every last couple of words Sehun uttered to him before he was forced out is embedded into his head.

The last time Jongin saw Sehun was the day of their miscarriage. He tried to contact him the following days, only to get his phone calls unanswered and when it came to texts, he received threatening responses from friends and not Sehun. He did email him a few months later, hoping he was coping better, if this was a break or did they really break up. In Jongin’s defense, Sehun was angry and hurt, so Jongin was unsure how much he meant that he never wanted to see him again. He got a petty _ better than ever :) don’t come around _reply.

They would have handled things better together but Sehun didn’t give him that. Jongin even resorted to asking friends to send a kind message to him, telling them to express how much he wanted to apologize. They didn’t take his side, they all left him the moment the truth got out. Then again, they were never there for him from the start since Sehun became pregnant.

For a year since their separation he had to put his career on hold. He’s thankful his fans stuck with him despite the lack of music or public appearances anywhere — not even on his social platforms to make a post or broadcast live. 

Jongin came back strong since, though of course it still hurt. He tried his best to put everything into the one thing that could save him. Music and everything that came with it became his coping mechanism. 

Daily, he reminds himself that even though their baby is gone, Sehun is still here. And even if Sehun doesn’t want him, he’ll do it for him and their baby. Sehun might not care, might not bother to remember the good parts of their relationship, but Jongin holds onto that as every one of his songs is about Sehun. Everything he produces and writes is because of his love for Sehun. The love and lust, and even the lows. His comeback album expressed sorrow and heartbreak but it was his best seller that made him an even bigger influencer in the industry. 

All he has is his career and fans. 

Jongin took his own baby’s life, ruined his best relationship, lost his friends — but he has the two things he built all on his own and it’s all he can ask for at this point.

Younghoon’s birthday is in a few days. His moping came early. At least it’s here now, so maybe for his fourth birthday, he wouldn’t feel so down. Maybe this time around, it’ll be Jongin’s breaking point and he won’t have to cry about it. Who wouldn’t cry? He just won’t ugly cry and drink his own tears and snot. He won’t blame himself for anything. He’ll send Younghoon his happiness from earth and wish things were different and hope another story for him.

Jongin plans to buy a cake and blow it out himself, but unlike he’s done the last three years, this time he won’t be alone. He’ll invite Chanyeol, and maybe ask the chef to make this cake this time. He thinks if this is his breaking point, it would help if he didn’t celebrate alone.

And suddenly, everything breaks. Jongin’s face is in his palms, tears flowing uncontrollably. His chest stings and there’s a lump in his throat that makes it hard to breath. He feels so, so alone and the only person he can blame is himself. It’s his fault he lost his lover and his baby. And if he loses himself, he’d be his fault for the unhappiness of his fans. He can’t make that many people in his life suffer, but he often questions what purpose he has here if he doesn’t have anyone with him to share his life with.

Jongin knows it’ll only make things worse, but he lays on his couch and searches for that baby tweet and finds Sehun’s account. There aren’t many tweets regarding anything personal, just schedules for his posting dates and some rants about the struggles of filming and editing. He doesn’t know whether this is a good thing or a bad thing when he finds his Instagram.

Jongin sees the beauty he’s always seen in Sehun, but in a different light. His face structure seems thinner, but he doesn’t seem to have aged in the last few years. He doesn’t expect it because Sehun has always had such a youthful character. Jongin isn’t surprised that it radiates physically. He sees a tremendous amount of the toddler photos as Sehun takes him all around the world— not necessarily the world but wherever Sehun is, so is his baby. They go to cute picnics, festivals, even just the grocery store and restaurant. 

It’s all precious to Jongin. At least one of them is happy. Jongin wouldn’t mind to carry the burden for the both of them if it means Sehun is happy. He’s sure Sehun thinks about Younghoon and wouldn’t have his new baby as a replacement but his chest aches with the thought that he just might. He hopes Sehun loves their baby as much as he loves his toddler.

Still up until today, Jongin thinks of how much of Younghoon would look like him. He always wished he’d look more like Sehun because he’s the most beautiful thing Jongin has ever laid eyes on. He thinks of all the activities they could have done together, what traits he would have picked up from Jongin. Would he love dance and singing as well? Could he have been the charming prince like Sehun? It’s unfortunate that Jongin will never know, and it’s his fault. 

Jongin ignores the birthday videos because he hates himself, but not that much. Though he still watches Sehun’s videos and cries and cries while Sehun is in his phone screen, snuggling his baby, pampering him with kisses. Doing everything he can’t do with Younghoon. 

Younghoon’s first and most recent ultrasounds are always tucked securely into his wallet. He holds it tightly to his heart while tucking his knees to his chest and for a moment, he thinks that if he doesn’t wake up, it would be just fine. 

  
  


Jongin maybe hates his incapability of holding back. He does a terrible job of remaining calm. He just splurges with everything he’s got.

If it weren’t for the phone call from Chanyeol, he might have hit send on a post about his baby. Nobody knows about Younghoon as much as they know nothing about Sehun. They were exclusive, but kept a secret. They could of been engaged but Jongin couldn’t wear a ring and felt as if it was unfair to claim such words but not be allowed to have that physical symbolization. He still called him fiancé anyways, even if he never proposed— or well, the opportunity had actually been ruined to do so.

“How did you cope today, without me or Chef DO on a Friday?” Chanyeol's voice booms through the cellular device. 

Jongin pouts, not wanting to lie but can’t be straightforwardly honest either. He simply replies, “I ate chicken and haven’t thrown up yet. So I’m okay.”

“Great, because you have an youtube interview in a few days.”

“Yeah, with one of those makeup brands. I know.” Jongin comments, to assure Chanyeol that he knows how to be aware of what’s going on with his schedules.

There’s a gentle humming coming from Chanyeol’s end before he gasps, “Oh, I mentioned it before?”

Jongin reminds himself that Chanyeol didn’t actually announce his appearance on Vogue. “No, you hadn’t. I had to read my fans talking about how they’re excited.”

“Shit, sorry.”

Jongin waves it off, getting up with a banging headache. He groans, palming at his temple and then whines to Chanyeol, “Why are you my assistant again?”

“If I remember, it’s because you liked the fact that I could be your personal assistant, bodyguard, and puppy.”

“Huh, that’s true.”

“I’m sorry that it’s on—”

“Younghoon’s birthday.” Jongin cuts him off from not wanting to hear sympathy from Chanyeol. Like he thought before falling asleep, he thinks it’s the perfect time for his closure and there is no more need to be too sad about this.

“I know you’d usually like your own privacy but they were very, very persistent on this since you’re also becoming an actor. They wanted to interview the worlds’ multi-talented idol, you know?”

Jongin giggles, hoping that it resonates to Chanyeol that he’s okay. He addresses it anyways because all while Chanyeol is his assistant, technically manager, and makeshift bodyguard and puppy, he’s also the closest thing he’s got to a real friend. He continues, “It’s okay, Chanyeol. I wanted to talk to you about that, actually.”

“Oh?”

“I’m having a very tiny, tiny birthday for him.” Jongin goes to his fridge where he pins Younghoon’s first ultrasound with a magnet. He thumbs it when he announces, “Come by on Wednesday. Well… you’ll be with me because of the interview. But I just want Kyungsoo to make a cake. And I want just you two there.”

Jongin can hear Chanyeol’s smile and it feels good. He tells Jongin, “I’m honored and I’m sure Kyungsoo will be too.”

They hang up moments after, Chanyeol telling him to check his emails and not to miss out on dinner. He whines about how it’s a Friday so he wants to enjoy it without any personal schedule. It always works and Chanyeol tells him he can review them on Sunday since they aren’t on top of their priority list. 

  
  


Jongin dislikes how sometimes he really can’t do much. It’s a beautiful day and because the summer season is almost over, he decides to take advantage of his outdoor pool. He floats mindlessly, slightly afraid that he might fall asleep but he previously woke up from an afternoon nap anyways so he should be good. The sun rays that shine through his closed eyelids feel great, casting a fuzzy and dark feeling against them when he tries to think of the sight. The light dribbles of water on his abdomen makes him feel cool beneath the heat.

He doesn’t seek a towel to dry off, opting to lay on the outdoor reclining chair and letting natural matters do its job. He doesn’t have Kyungsoo here who suits as his chef and home caterer so it feels disappointing that he has to make lemonade and bring it outside himself.

Jongin is not always so spoiled and usually manages things alone, but it becomes handy when he wants to play sports outdoors and rings for Kyungsoo to get him a beverage, or when he’s already got a movie in and he rings for Kyungsoo to prepare popcorn. Those things are what he relies on, otherwise, he’s not all that needy. He thinks that he hires a personal chef with the skills of a maid and nanny because he gets lonesome and Kyungsoo is always there to lurk around the house since Chanyeol is always in the office.

With his ice lemonade in one hand and his phone in the other, he clears up his watch history and mutes Sehun’s social media, wanting to avoid any insight of Sehun at all costs. He thinks its a good time to stop with the sap in his songs that are indirectly for Sehun. It wouldn’t help him move on. He doesn’t want to in spite of Sehun moving on first, but it was like a wake up call. It’s not healthy for him to keep holding on for both of their sakes, so Jongin will try his best.

The following hours of his day consists of being in the comfort of his dance studio and working perfecting previous pieces. When he has his stretching breaks, he often wonders what cake flavor to get this year. He forgets to eat dinner because his stomach fails to crave anything.

… 

Jongin’s weekend was the same as all weekends go. Morning routine filled with skin care then working out, having a heart breakfast, then filling in the day as he goes with different activities or watching nothing in particular. 

So, today he’s happy to have Kyungsoo and Chanyeol back on a Monday where Kyungsoo’s blender is rambunctious and Chanyeol is insisting they play music loudly through the sound speakers to get their errands completed. He instructs Kyungsoo that he wants a cake on Wednesday without telling him much details yet because Chanyeol interrupts him to compose a tweet updating his fans on his acting portion of his career.

“I can’t believe I’m acting in a rom-com.” Jongin mutters while typing word for word what Chanyeol addresses him.

It’s not disappointing for him to act in such a genre, he’s just amused that he perfected the audition despite having no romance interest, and the only comedy in Jongin’s life being Chanyeol’s jokes on his bed hair. 

“You have a photoshoot tomorrow.” Chanyeol says, showing him a rough catalog of the clothes he’s supposed to model in.

“Okay.” Jongin comments softly.

“You alright?”

Jongin sighs, “It’s just that time of year. I’ll be fine. Need to keep occupied. I almost wish you planned more this week just so it doesn’t get too into my head.”

Chanyeol plants a gentle hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly. “Both of them will never be too much for you. I think it’s okay to think about them often.”

“Younghoon, _ forever _, he’ll never be too much. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him. But Sehun… I should have stopped long ago. It got unhealthy a long time ago.”

Chanyeol chuckles. “Can’t say I disagree. Glad you’re having a new mindset.”

Jongin sits up straight and brings his attention to Kyungsoo who’s preparing his meals for the entire week, since he’s only present four days out of the week. He makes a gentle knock against the counter to prevent alarming him, not wanting a repeat of the time he nearly flung his knife at Chanyeol because he barged in for some fresh cookies unannounced.

Kyungsoo looks up with a warm smile and greets, “Hello, Jongin. You don’t have to seek permission to enter your own kitchen.”

Jongin shrugs. “I was doing it to welcome my presence actually.”

“Oh, I’m just getting ahead of myself. What can I do for you?”

“So, I need a cake in two days. I want it to be coconut batter with something silky smooth for the inside flavoring. Do you think the decorative frosting can be a soft baby blue? The other years I just bought plain white cakes with nothing else. I think it deserves those pretty icing designs. Can you have a name on it too? I never let myself— I want a name on it.”

Kyungsoo jots everything down on a personal notebook that Jongin had prepared for him since he started working because he wanted both of them to remember some of his quirky requests. 

“I hope I can fulfill it to your wishes, Jongin.”

“I’m sure you’ll do wonders. But it’ll be special because it’s from you. Do you think you can have Chanyeol make it feel special too? I would like his input. You two will be here to present it to me on Wednesday afternoon, a little before an evening dinner. Please, and thank you.”

Jongin takes the journal from Kyungsoo and writes in capitalization _ HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOUNGHOON! _ He dares his eyes not to prick with tears when he slides it over.

“Do you need any other ingredients?” Jongin asks.

“You don’t have baking materials, but that is not a problem as I can go and purchase them tomorrow.”

“Oh, I can order them online now with expedited shipping.”

Chanyeol snorts. “He doesn’t have a problem with going out in public. It’s just you buddy.”

“Right.” Jongin laughs nervously. “Well, can I at least see how they look after?”

“I don’t see why not.” Kyungsoo writes again and glances up. “Do you have a budget for the items? I suggest stainless steel for the pan molds.”

“Spend as you wish. I want to have them last long.”

Maybe Jongin just wants to get into another hobby to help him forget about things.

… 

Jongin dyes his hair back to a very light brown, as his previous color for his latest album promotions were pink. He expects he’ll manage to go a little unnoticed for this week on behalf of him wanting to get some fresh air in the city this week. And because Chanyeol insists that the teasers of this photoshoot and tomorrow’s interview with darker hair will spark up some talk that will also bring attention to his acting career.

“By the way, the tour schedule is looking pretty good, management says. You’re sure to hear about the schedule soon enough. It’s set for the end of the year. A few weeks after you finish up your scenes.” Chanyeol announces, tapping on his tablet violently.

Jongin’s summer schedule consisted of his future bass dance album, which had been a different approach from his typical R&B or soul genre. He did very little promotions because everyone insisted that the focus on acting was more beneficial, which he even agrees. Within the weeks after his music drop, he was working on photoshoots with the show’s other co-stars. They’re bound to drop before tickets go on sale, says Chanyeol, in a way to hype up both portions of his career. 

Jongin doesn’t know much of the sales industry marketing tactics like Chanyeol does but he takes whatever schedule he can because he lives off it. 

And now he really hopes to get into baking because Kyungsoo is showing him a rough sketch of what his cake will look like tomorrow and its well thought out and beautiful.

… 

The most important day of the week comes quickly.

Jongin is in one of his best silk shirts, a long sleeve with cuffs at the wrists and a sharp collar. It’s a very light pink shade that he thinks could of been the color of Younghoon’s cheeks as he would of been revealed to the world. 

He wears a pin that Chanyeol had bought for him before Younghoon’s second birthday saying _universe’s_ _best dad_. It had him uncomfortable for the longest time, but now has he come to terms that it’s okay. 

His hair is slick and everything, the hair he does when he has photo shoots for expensive brands or has a sexy concept for a title track. He wears his more expensive cologne and slips on tight grey fitting slacks, feeling like a million. 

Jongin is in awe of how much of a newer person he feels like because he’s doing something right. 

There’s a brief knock against his door before it swings open with his safety alarm alerting a presence. He hurries away from his full body mirror and greets the party of two. 

“Hi, guys. Hello, I’m happy you’re here.”

There’s a gasp, looking towards them he gauges who it could be. He realizes it’s Kyungsoo as soon as he says, “Woah. You clean up well without your stylists.”

“Even I’m impressed.” Chanyeol snorts then leans in for a tight, tight hug. “Wanna tell Kyungsoo? He kept pressing me about who Younghoon must be.”

Jongin takes a deep breath and nods. He finds it rude of him to have Kyungsoo holding a cake tightly against his chest, so he retrieves it from his arms and places it on the large dining table. He gives his gratitude and guides them around the cake in its pink cardboard box.

“I’m happy the two of you took time to make this at Kyungsoo’s instead. Thanks Chan for bringing me back here after the shoot. Thanks Kyungsoo for making this for something very important.” Kai says, attempting to calm his breathing. 

Today nearly consisted of a mental breakdown, cancelling a photoshoot and having to call Kyungsoo to delay his visit to make the cake here. He needed a little more time this morning. Chanyeol managed to make it work somehow, messaging him that their shoot had their own obstacles anyways, them needing to reschedule on their own. Chanyeol even said they started on the cake together earlier in the morning as soon as Chanyeol got the report that they hadn’t needed to attend the shoot. 

In Jongin's eyes things were working to he and Younghoon’s favor, so he tried terribly hard to stand up for the both of them. 

“Younghoon is my son.” Jongin says, setting aside the emotions that dare to escape. 

“You have a son?!” Kyungsoo exasperates, hand coming up to his mouth as soon as the words come.

Jongin smiles as if a way to reassure him that it’s all okay. Because it is. He answers, “I actually… lost him.”

“Well, I hope you find him.” Kyungsoo says, earning a chuckle from Jongin and a disapproving sound from Chanyeol. 

“No, he— _ you idiot _.” Chanyeol averts his attention to Jongin when he says, “I'm sure Kyungsoo gives you his condolences, Jongin.”

“Ohh… that type of _ lost _. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m sorry you’ve been coping alone. I’ve been here for two years. I apologize for having a lack of awareness for anything feeling off during this time.” Kyungsoo extends his hands and shake Jongin’s respectfully with a bow.

“Thank you. And it’s okay. We don’t have to tiptoe around it anymore. I’m trying, really.” Jongin retrieves his baby’s photos from his back pocket—never put back into his wallet since he pinned it to fridge. He sets it next to the cake, giving Kyungsoo a good look at it. “Based off what date they could of expected him, it’s how I celebrate his birthday. He would of been four.”

“Happy birthday to him.” Kyungsoo says with a gentle tone, one that would of broken Jongin a year ago.

But this year, he takes Younghoon’s birthday more as a celebration than more mourning. His baby is better somehow. Even perhaps better off without Jongin.

If it were up to Jongin, he wouldn’t have wanted his baby to suffer. Sehun was having a rough time already, and that could have given him any birth defect. He’s almost relieved that Sehun had a miscarriage than a handicapped baby. He wouldn’t care, he definitely would not care how his baby would come out, physically or mentally. But he for certain he wouldn’t be able to bare the fact that in some way he’d be in pain somehow. He couldn’t fathom the pain of knowing that his child was helpless in his own way and all he could do was try to support him and let him live his life as much as possible though with its restrictions.

So, Jongin takes today as a celebration. Sehun’s miscarriage came from excessive stress, anxiety, and lack of nutrients. It would’ve been bound to lead to something, not that Jongin is a cynic but because the doctor did state the possible results if the tragedy hadn’t happened. He finds himself celebrating that maybe his baby isn’t harmed and incapable, despite the loss.

Chanyeol pulls a lighter from his back pocket, giving Jongin a look to which he nods in approval. The flame rises and meets the candle stem. It burns as they sing together, burning in his chest and burning the wax as it streams down into the icing. He blows it out upon Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s clapping. They hug him from both sides and Chanyeol even kisses his cheek. 

Jongin cuts a slice and leaves it at the empty spot he’s always had that nobody ever decides to sit at, never Kyungsoo either despite him never knowing a thing. 

He grabs his tall wine glasses, the ones that are the most slim and crystal clear. A few weeks ago he had requested Kyungsoo to stock up his wine pantry with a few bottles of old red wines, and now he gets the opportunity to unwind and enjoy a glass for himself.

“Anybody else?” Jongin says while pouring himself a cup. 

Chanyeol raises a finger meanwhile Kyungsoo shakes his head and slices a cake serving. 

Jongin gets a bit reckless even before his first sip, bouncing into the couch and letting his wine swivel in its glass. He slouches with bad posture and raises his legs to his chest. “Now this one, this is a cheers to myself. For a successful career and having no distractions.”

“Sometimes distractions are good.” Kyungsoo says playfully, sitting at the opposite end of him.

Chanyeol turns on the television and throws a pillow at Jongin who downs the wine aggressively, getting a bit on his neck. Jongin sends a glare his way and makes a whining noise, kicking his feet childishly. At that, Chanyeol suddenly says, “Do you ever kind of want me to just make you an online dating account of some sort?”

Kyungsoo makes a growling noise of disapproval. He retorts, “Chan! He’s a celebrity. He can’t get caught in a scandal like that.”

“Wow, don’t care about his safety then. Nobody heard the way I said online dating, wow.” Chanyeol says receiving strange looks from them both. 

“You’re the one who doesn’t care, you brought it up first.”

Chanyeol ignores Kyungsoo, directing his attention to Jongin. He pouts before commenting, “Aren’t you interested in any of your past co-actors or back up dancers, maybe someone you collaborated with for songs before?”

Jongin shakes his head and licks the rim of the glass aching for a bit more of it’s bittersweet taste.

“Chanyeol, no. I don’t have any interest in anyone, guys.” 

“Maybe just a friend.” Chanyeol says with a gentle smile. 

Kyungsoo raises his hand and Jongin almost thinks why. The second Jongin nods, he speaks, “Yeah, Jongin. You didn’t start opening up to us since last year. I feel terrible especially now, knowing about this and knowing you didn’t have anybody. I don’t know you as much as Chanyeol, and we both just work for you, but I hope you know well enough that we are your friends. We are both here for you, but Chanyeol is right. It wouldn’t hurt to have another friend, somebody who will invest their time with you and not just because they get paid.”

“Well Kyungsoo worded the last part kind of lame. I’d still like to hang it with you regardless of money or your fame. But he’s right. I know how… _ you know who _, has everyone you once had.” Chanyeol adds.

Jongin gets up, stretching. He brings his glass up with him while he talks, “I appreciate it guys. If I could have you guys as just friends, I would. Unfortunately, I need my life to flow as it should, and you guys need to get paid.”

“Maybe we should go out.” Chanyeol insists. 

Jongin’s eyes sparkle at that. He places down his glass near the bottle, not wanting anymore as much as he had because now he wants what Chanyeol mentioned. He grins and says, “I kind of maybe want to buy him something.”

“Who?” Kyungsoo asks. 

“I know it’s crazy. But just one toy. I never got him anything since the second trimester mark where I got him a bib. I just want to keep it here.” Jongin feels like he’s bouncing, a bit of thrumming in his veins and not because of the wine. 

Like Chanyeol is in his head, he asks, “Are you okay to go? Are you doing this just because—”

“I don’t get tipsy off a single glass, Chanyeol. Let’s go!”

Chanyeol stands up and pulls out his car key. He says, “Sure, of course, we can go. Anything, Jongin.”

Jongin finds his shoes and does a once over around the house. He spots Kyungsoo putting away the cake and Jongin’s lips purse at that. 

“Kyungsoo could tag along if he wants.” 

Kyungsoo says, stopping his actions and looking to Jongin for confirmation. “Really?”

Jongin nods. “Yeah. You guys are dating aren’t you?”

Chanyeol’s eyes widen. He drops his keys. He fumbles messily on the ground for it like he lost a pair of spectacles. Once he’s back on his feet he stares at Jongin with a massively confused expression. He splutters, “Fuck— what? How did you—”

“I had my speculations. You guys aren’t so discreet.” Jongin laughs. He’s figured for a few months now, especially with how Chanyeol so called helped make the cake at Kyungsoo’s house at ungodly hours— that was his biggest confirmation. He adds, “Well, two secrets came out today.”

  
  


They’re still in the city, not too far away from Jongin’s home because today he insists that if anything happens, it’ll be okay. He’s not so worried about gaining attention at a superstore because fans most likely wouldn’t be there, especially how his only goal is to visit the nursery section.

He’s in his good clothes as he had earlier because it gives him a boost of confidence and happiness rather than his other regular clothes he’d been wearing all week. It even feels better than costumes he’s had to wear for his career and that’s probably because these are his own clothes and not his company’s. He thinks he’d want to take on Chanyeol’s offer. Maybe not online dating, but _ something _ because he’s already trying to make adjustments to his life. Another step today couldn’t be terrible.

“Wow, I’m going out with _ the _ KAI.” Kyungsoo emphasizes his name, clapping in his seat. 

Chanyeol scoffs, “You work for him. You’re at his house several times a week. How’s this probably feel better than anything else?”

“It feels extra better that I’m even dating his manager and assistant and bodyguard.”

Jongin rolls his eyes. “Okay, just not too much of _ that _ when I’m here, thanks.”

  
  


Jongin is shaking a rattle when he hears a gasp. He thinks it’s a fan so he tries his best to be inconspicuous, continuing to glance at the products in hopes that they will mind their own business and respect his presence. He doesn’t hear anyone anymore so he turns away from the aisle and towards the next one. 

When he’s there, is it his turn to gasp. He doesn’t think it’s as audible as the one he previously heard but now that he puts his mind to work, he’s certain that breathy sound emitted from none other than _ his _ Sehun. It’s a sound that’s always been embedded in his head, something so familiar and close to him in the most intimate moments. 

“Sehun.” Jongin says breathlessly. He regrets it the second it comes out because Sehun is turning around and of course he knew it was Sehun but it still shocks him nonetheless to see him turn around and confirm everything. 

There’s a smile coming from Sehun that Jongin can’t decipher. He fails to understand whether it’s from relief or remorse. It seems awfully fake but a part of his smile makes him look desperate and Jongin want to run up to him and embrace him tightly with every fiber of his well-being.

Sehun gives Jongin his undivided attention, keeping distance as if unsafe territory to get any closer. He breaths out, “Hey, Kai. Hi, how are you?” _ Kai _. 

It makes Jongin flinch. 

“I’m… good.” Jongin says, not knowing what else to say.

Jongin in front of his ex-lover, in the baby section while his ex is holding a child he doesn’t know, on the birthday of their unborn baby. 

What is he supposed to say?

Jongin stands there with a stoic expression as he begs his heart to calm down. He thinks that his heart will think before his mind, wanting to grab Sehun’s face and kiss him with everything he’s got. Then again, another part of his heart wants to turn around and never look back. He though, he thinks he could wish hard enough that suddenly a black abyss will come around and swallow him whole. 

He gets a good glance at the child in Sehun’s arms, certainly pretty big to be in the arms of Sehun. He seems old enough to walk, but he doesn’t see why Sehun’s holding him as it looks like the boy is old enough to have some independence. He thinks the _ parents _ baby him too much, that’s probably it. He kind of despises the fact that Sehun has someone to baby.

The baby smiles at him, waving the same rattle at him, only a different animal design.

And there, the unwanted feelings come again.

Jongin brings the rattle close to his chest and turns around. He thinks he hears Sehun but can’t be bothered to look back at him. 

Whatever happiness Jongin had deflates.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

It’s been a month since his encounter with Sehun and the baby. 

Jongin hasn’t brought himself to be upset (well, he was stumped and in his bed with an empty stomach for a good week) since he demanded Chanyeol to give him more meetings, more promotions, more of anything that’ll distract him. 

Kyungsoo warned him that overworking wouldn’t solve a thing but that lead to Jongin saying that people work differently but he appreciates it. 

Since Jongin perfecting his character for his movie and having his tour announcements released, he hasn’t really been himself. But he keeps reminding himself that he’s taking baby steps to better his life. It’s the reason for maintaining even more fitness, requesting Kyungsoo to give him more nutrient-based meals, and asking Chanyeol for social skills because he has eyes for his co-star. He’s less reserved than before Younghoon’s birthday that’s for certain, thanks to Chanyeol. He’s going out way more that it shocks Kyungsoo on how he could smell like alcohol in the early morning while eating a hearty breakfast.

The only thing that Jongin has a hard time making himself believe is that,  _ is he doing this for himself or to prove to somebody _ … somebody like Sehun. 

“Uh, Jongin. You have an unexpected email from your personal handle. You know I never open these kinds up but I was concerned. I’m sorry.” Chanyeol says from his corner of the office, his tone weary and apologetic— which is strange for him, therefore makes Jongin just as concerned.

“What’s it about?”

“More like,  _ who _ , is what you should be worried about.”

“Okay, Chanyeol. Who is it?”

“Sehun.”

Jongin tenses up for a second before adjusting his composure. “Not funny. Get back to work.”

“How could you think I’m making some sick joke?” Chanyeol responds offendedly. 

“I know you’re not. I don’t want to hear it.”

“He wants closure.”

“Oh, where was he when I wanted it.” Jongin scoffs more to himself. “Little shit. I don’t need him. My life has significantly gotten better since I decided to cut him from my mind entirely.”

Chanyeol chuckles, almost nervously, as he says, “Ah, yes it has, but I think you’d really want to send him a message back.”

Growing with frustration, Jongin clasps his hands together and utters our, “Give me the highlight of this message that makes even  _ you _ want to hear him out. Last time I recall, you’re the one who hated him most. I never did until you tried so well to get me to. But I have grown past the love and hate, to where I don’t fucking care. So what could he say that would give him an ounce of my attention?”

“He wants to talk to you about Younghoon.”

“He didn’t seem to care about what I thought after he was ripped away from us.”

“I get that. I was the one who told you that, but I think it’s important to hear him out if he’s finally doing this after four years.”

“Chanyeol— listen.” Jongin looks at Chanyeol for the first time within this conversation. “I saw him on Younghoon’s birthday.”

“Oh.” Chanyeol whimpers in a fragile way. 

“He has a baby, did you know that? He’s a successful entrepreneur, with that baby of his.”

“No, I didn’t know that. If you want we can discard this message.” 

Jongin sees the pure sympathy in Chanyeol’s expression. He knows he doesn’t mean any harm whatsoever.

He decides, “Well come to think about it, I’d love to hear it.” 

Chanyeol gives him a strange look and Jongin has to reassure him with a nod before he begins to explain, “His email just says he apologizes for shutting you out and he would like to discuss some things that he’s been keeping to himself for so long. He says he’d like to address Younghoon and other events that involve him.”

“Schedule something.”

“Wouldn’t you like to reply to this message on your own?”

“Nope.”Jongin puffs out. “It’ll be strictly business, but…  _ not _ business. More like professional. I’m not meeting him as a friend. I want to get to the bottom of this. I want to know why he didn’t let me grieve with him. I want to know why he got the opportunity to move on first with a happy family while I feel fucking miserable every single day of my life, over exerting myself to forget about the one person that made me the most happy.”

Chanyeol places a gentle hand onto his shoulder and caresses it when he says, “Jongin, you’ve done great the last couple of weeks.”

“Kyungsoo is right. I’m working to forget and I don’t think it’s making me happy anymore.” Jongin shakes his head, feeling his body pool with the grief and guilt that he tried to hard to push away for weeks now. 

“You’re not happy with your career?”

“No, no. I’m — I love my job and everything I do. It supports me. I ask you for more because I need it, I love it. I just don’t want to think I’m doing this to move on from Sehun and since I bumped into him I’m having a hard time convincing myself what I’m doing this for.”

“How about we clear things up with him. I can accompany you, or I’ll be in the area. You ring when you’re not feeling right. We’ll clear this up. Then you’ll have closure. I’ll see if we can fit something nice for you before tour. You’ll be on stage and remember you love this and do it for nobody but yourself.”

Jongin smiles to himself for a split second. “For Younghoon and my fans. I do it for them.”

“That’s the spirit.” Chanyeol says terribly loud.

Just like that, everything feels light again. He’s telling himself that he’ll be able to have a clear mind after the confrontation. It’s good for him. 

“I’ll message Sehun to see you… in a few days? He could come here?”

Jongin shakes his head. He knows what he wants and replies, “No, not here. I want to go to his place.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Their framed couples pictures might make it sink in even deeper. I need something to crack all of this.” Jongin comments with a bitter laugh.

There’s some keyboard clicks, then Chanyeol looks up and says, “How about taking my offer on the online dating?”

“Shut up.” Jongin gives him a quick smirk prior to saying, “Know why I’ve been asking for some pointers? It’s Hwasa.”

“Oh? Oh! Shit.”

“There’s a small spark. But again, it’s nothing compared to Sehun.”

Without a doubt, nothing can replace Sehun. Maybe decades from now, he’ll find somebody better. But in the meantime, nobody is good enough as Sehun had been. Sehun was it for him years ago, and he thought Sehun would be his forever. Now that there is no forever, it means there’s nobody else.

Chanyeol clicks his tongue, steering him back to reality. He announces, “He replied right away and we’ll see him in a few days around noon. I won’t go but I’ll be in the car.”

Jongin checks the forwarded email right away and sighs. He bites his lip and mutters, “He still lives there.”

… 

  
  


“Hey, you must be so busy. I’m glad you could make it.” Sehun says the second he opens the door with no surprise. He must of paced around his door the entire time because it opened immediately.

Jongin tries not to look so in awe with Sehun's presence, instead he comments less enthusiastically, “Thanks for agreeing on your place.”

“The email did say it was the only place you’d agree to meet.”

Jongin bites his lip. “Oh, fuck. Chanyeol composed it.”

“Ah, is he still a big goofball?”

“Yea. He’s got someone to bring him to his senses from time to time. I’m happy about that.”

“That’s good.” Sehun replies with a smile, but Jongin knows how stiff it is.

Sehun guides him further into the home, closing the door gently behind him. Everything is the same as he left it, the same as it was when he was brutally kicked out. It's cozy and welcoming, made for a single family. There are some more trinkets on display on some of the shelves and baby toys sprawled around the house that makes Jongin feel numb.

“So, let’s get this over with.”

“Oh, right.”

Jongin gives Sehun a moment, a few minutes or so until the silence begins to tear him apart. He scoffs, “Are you going to say something?”

“I’m nervous.”

“Yeah, and I’ve got somewhere to be.” Jongin averts his attention towards his wrist watch then crosses his arms, leaning against the wall and fixating Sehun with a stern look.

Sehun frowns, breaking eye contact. He mumbles to the ground more than to Jongin when he whispers, “Then why’d you agree to come here?”

“I agreed to talk about Younghoon and not watch you flinch and stare at me like my dick and nose swapped places.”

“Okay, okay.” Sehun says more firmly now. He's always been so quiet and needy, but knew when to assert himself where it needed to be.

“Alright.”

Sehun bites his lip and Jongin tries not to focus on the way it pulls between his teeth, like the faces he always made when they shared the intimacy in bed.

“Do you want to meet someone?”

“What? Sehun, I’m not going to discuss my love interests or relationship status with you.” Jongin nearly snaps. He reminds himself to be composed, because this is about Younghoon after all, so he needs that just for him. He also remembers that he still loves Sehun, so there is no reason to be aggressive, but it's tough when Sehun won't get straight to the point.

Sehun inches his arm out to Jongin's wrist but immediately retracts. He says gently, “No, no. I want you to meet the boy that I was with when we met again. I’m sure you remember him. Do you?”

“Of course. How could I not?” Jongin says with aggression. He really has to bite his tongue. He is in no place to be upset at a  _ child _ .

“Okay, listen to me. I want you to just look at him. Fully take in every little feature, okay?”

Jongin pulls off the wall, leaning forward only to be inches away from Sehun, so close he could just kiss him. He remembers the words from just seconds ago and pulls apart to spit his words out, “Is it your intention to break my heart? Over and over again, is that your fucking job? I’ve been crawling on my knees for a long time and you’re just giving me the final push until I collapse for the last time. You really want me dead?”

“Jongin, what are you talking about?”

“Why do you insist I come here to talk about our baby, just to shove your new life in my face?”

Sehun gaps and covers his mouth in his hands. “My new life?”

“I don’t want to see your baby with whoever the fuck it may be with.” Jongin says with venom laced in his sharp words.

“Even if—“

“If fucking what?”

Sehun takes a deep breath then walks towards the staircase. He gives Jongin a gentle look that softens Jongin immediately, so much that Jongin feels like putty in his hands. Jongin does the same, inhaling and exhaling just to keep himself sane.

“I haven’t seen you in four years, Jongin. I stopped having resentment after a year but never gathered the courage to contact you. When I saw you on Younghoon’s birthday, I just knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Jongin, please.” Sehun says calmly with his hands gripping the rail. “Just come upstairs. I only have one thing to ask of you. If you don’t want anything to do with me after this, I’ll understand it. I admit to it. Our relationship not patching up is my fault. But I have a reason for it.”

_ I love you too much and I’d always forgive you. _ “Fine. Lead the way.”

Jongin feels like his body will cave out as he walks up the stairs, those very stairs that used to be loitered with photos of them. They had studio photos and silly pictures together. There was a letter to their baby right at one of the walls in the loft with an ultrasound, it's still there and that's what gives Jongin this tight knot in his throat.

Sehun pushes a door open, one that used to be used as an office and it somehow relieves Jongin. He can only wonder what is in the room that used to be Younghoon's nursery. 

Jongin spots an occupied baby bed, something that he's never seen in this house. It looks like the wood of the crib he purchased, a matte coffee brown. Though this an actual bed with long arms to support the mattress inbetween it. He thinks he remembers that this was supposed to be one of the furnitures that grow and change with your child's age like the carseat they bought. Maybe he has seen that baby bed before.

“Look at him. Just deeply... look at him.” Sehun whispers, pulling Jongin's hand to inch closer to the sleeping toddler.

“He looks like you.” Jongin says easily. “From the moment I laid eyes on him I was in love with him. It didn’t take me long to realize he was yours.”

“Huh?”

Jongin shrugs. “Fans found resemblance in us.”

“And?”

“And what? I did some lurking and I found out he’s your baby and it didn’t shock me at all. He’s beautiful, just like somebody I gave my whole heart to.”

“Jongin, his name is Yoonoh. He’s yours. Ours.”

Jongin's world slows and leaves him on the edge of it, it stops before hitting him with all its force. He swallows a thick lump in his throat, while his hands are shaking and his chest feels like tons of thorns pricking it — prickling the core of his heart. 

“What?”

“He’s my baby. Yours, too.” Sehun says so, trying to allow Jongin to catch up or something. But that's it. Jongin heard he just doesn't…  _ understand _ .

“I don’t get it.”

“We lost Younghoon, but then I found out within time that there was another. I had no clue until there were so much painful cramps for a good week, and then I felt a kick.”

Jongin doesn't notice he's crying until he tastes saltiness while biting his lips. He suppresses a sob as he utters out, “He’s— we had twins?”

“Yes. I named him after Younghoon.”

Whatever shock and confusion turns into frustration and bitterness. “And you never thought to tell me?”

“I was still torn over you when I found out about Yoonoh. Then when I had him, you vanished from your career, I wasn’t sure where you went and none of your contacts worked. I resented that, so I never decided to contact you but soon enough he became two and there did I regret things but still never reached out to you. I’m sorry, Jongin. I started making videos in hopes that you’d see them and want to contact me first.” Sehun kneels down to Jongin who sits at the rocking chair, needing support because his mind and body can’t handle. He says under his breath, “You found me. You found  _ Yoonoh _ . But you didn’t contact me. Do you still want me?”

Jongin pinches Sehun’s jaw, pulling him forward and closer to him. He responds in a low voice, “How do you just come into my life and tell me we have another baby and ask if I still want you?”

“I don’t know.” Sehun whimpers with his lips pursed.

“Well of fucking course I’d say yes. I still love you, always loved you and always tried to get rid of you but my mind never let me. And that baby is my responsibly even if you kept me from him his whole childhood. But, Sehun I need to think about this.”

“I understand.”

Jongin sighs deeply. “I want him, more than anything—  _ fuck _ , I can’t say that. Younghoon is all I ever wanted. It’s only ever been my career and Younghoon — and in the back of my head, it’s always been you, too.” He lets go of Sehun’s face and clutches the armrest instead. He heaves out, “I don’t know how to accept this.”

“Don’t... resent him. I know that for sometime my parents thought he took away Younghoon. It’s not his fault. If that’s what you were thinking of.” Sehun says fragilely, barely a whisper.

“It’s not that. I couldn’t blame him. I never blamed anybody unlike you.” Jongin looks away for a moment. Not wanting to remember all the bad sides of Sehun because he’s always been Jongin’s best decision. He then mutters, “Well that’s bullshit because I blamed myself every single day… until the day we met, did I realize it’s okay.”

Sehun opens his mouth to speak, but Jongin continues, glancing back and forth from Sehun and Yoonoh, “It’s just that I sculpted my whole life around Younghoon. I envisioned me and him and you. I love... this baby boy right here already. I can feel it. But, I’m always going to think of Younghoon. I’ll always remember that he’s my first baby, that he comes first. I don’t know how to accept that I will never have him with me.”

“It took me some time, too. It was hard, but I tell myself that I’m going to tell Yoonoh in the future. I want Yoonoh to live for the both of them. Yoonoh deserves as much of a life and as much love as our first.” Sehun reaches for Jongin’s fingers and laces the. His thumb gently caresses Jongin’s knuckles before he plants a kiss there. 

Jongin nods and slowly stands up, pulling Sehun with him. He hovers by the bed and asks, “Can I?”

Sehun nods with a smile. 

Jongin leans back down and places his single index finger beneath all five of Yoonoh’s fingers, and the feeling in his chest feels nearly full. But not entirely. “I never got hold Younghoon’s hand.”

“I stopped comparing him to Younghoon after a few months. It breaks my heart to think that I could see him as any less. I try my best to think of them equally. I love them both just as equal. I hope you’ll come around.”

“I will. I swear I can, for the both of them.”

“Would you come around for me too?”

Jongin rolls his eyes but looks back to Sehun with agrin. “Only if you’ll let me.”

“I would.”

Before Jongin could pounce him, embrace him with a hug and maybe a passionate kiss, he finds it in him to  _ finally _ get his answers. “Why are you giving in to me so easily. You accused me of cheating and killing my own... how could you want me still? You yelled and kicked me out, you sent terrible messages. How could you do that and act like nothing happened?”

“He asked... why there’s only me.” Sehun kneels down to smooth the boy’s hair away from his forehead before planting a kiss upon it. “Look, like I said, I tried to get to you. It took me three years to entirely accept the fact that I still loved you all that time. But for the first year I promise I tried, even if I let myself become over it after that.”

“A cycle. Much like mine. I spent all these years falling in love with you over and over again in my mind until many times I forced myself to hate you.”

“I’m sorry I even uttered those words to you.”

Jongin flashes him a tiny smile, one full of warmth and sweetness. “I’d always forgive you.”

“I’ll let you sleep on it. I do understand.”

Easily, Jongin adds, “Sehun, you know I want you. I just don’t think we should be together right away. I don’t want us living together or sleeping together or anything, whatever you might have in your mind.”

“Is there someone else?” Jongin doesn’t respond, not knowing what to say, and suddenly Sehun looks dejected. “I should of asked from the start.”

“No, Sehun. She was just a distraction for me to stop thinking about you.”

“ _ She _ , huh?” Sehun repeats with a bitter smirk.

“You still don’t trust the words I say. I don’t feed you lies, I tell you everything truthfully. You still choose to hear the wrong things. How can we be together with a child if you doubt me?”

“I don’t. I never did. Not even back then. I don’t know why I accused you like that. Up until now, I had no proof, no reason to believe you were cheating on me. I let it get into my head, I caused my own stress and eating disorder. It’s all my fault.”

Sehun turns away and Jongin sees his shoulders shake. He’s crying and Jongin desperately wants to reach out to him but he’s not sure it’s the right thing, or the right moment. 

“Sehun, no, stop. It’s not your fault.” He says.

“Then whose?”

“None of us. These things just happen. I had to learn from in my darkest times, that stuff happens and it’s okay.”

Sehun sniffles, “Okay. I’m still so sorry for letting you go Jongin.”

“We have each other now, okay?”

Sehun embraces him with everything he has, tight arms around his body. Jongin feels the passion and the love. He feels the intimacy and the longing. He returns the pressure with all the same.

“I love you.” Sehun cries into his chest, his walls continuing to breaking down, but in a happy way now. 

“I love you too,  _ so much _ . And our baby. Our babies. I’m happy we crossed paths on their birthdays. We may of never talked unless it was for that. For you trying first.”

Sehun pulls away and frowns. He rubs Jongin’s cheekbones with his thumbs. 

“Actually, he didn’t come on the exact day that Younghoon was announced.”

“Oh, no?”

“A week after.”

“Then wouldn’t this mean Younghoon’s is a week after?”

The corner of Sehun’s mouth quirks up when he responds, “Younghoon’s date is his own date. Yoonoh received his own date. I think it’s special that they’re twins with different birthdays.”

“How’s that possible?”

“Expecting dates change, baby.”

“ _ Baby _ .” Jongin repeats absentmindedly. 

“Too soon, I’m so sorry.”

“No, it felt good.” Jongin insists. “Reminds me of rubbing your belly and kissing your cheek. You shared everything you were excited about.”

“I’m excited that you’re accepting me and Yoonoh so quickly.”

“My family.”

Jongin doesn’t know who leans in first but the feeling of Sehun’s lips on his after four years feel like a miracle. It’s like a dream he doesn’t ever want to wake up from, but that’s the best part. It’s not a dream and Sehun’s plump, gentle lips are on his in this world of reality, where he actually does have a baby and Sehun in his life. He deepens the kiss, wanting to take it all, take what he’s been missing for so long. 

But Sehun has other plans. He pats his chest and whispers, “Want to officially meet him?”

“Yes. Please.  _ I mean _ , if it's alright with you."

"Jongin, of course."

Sehun stares at him for a moment in silence before saying, "Can we tell him who you are?"

Jongin laughs and easily replies, "His dad, yeah, please."

"Okay, that too I guess. But, that, um,  _ you _ ."

"Kai?"

Sehun nods, and Jongin nods back.

"Don't like be the first thing he looks at, okay?"

"Why would it matter if—"

Sehun shoves Jongin, making him topple over, butt falling on a rough building block. He groans but Sehun turns around and hushes him. Jongin sits behind Sehun and watches the way he shakes the little boy, in an attempt to wake him up.

"Baby, wake up. Nap time is over."

Yoonoh doesn't move a muscle but snorts.

"I have a surprise."

With that, he snaps up right away with wide eyes. Jongin sees Sehun's eyes in him. He sees chubby cheeks that he, himself, had when he was little. He feels a bit clueless for not suspecting a thing since he actually looks so much like both of them, but how could it be true when it seems so impossible? This type of story doesn't exist, Jongin would never believe someone if they told him he actually had a son with Sehun weeks ago, but Jongin is living it. 

"What is it?"

Sehun tilts his head, exposing Kai behind him.

"Is that Kai? The one we always watch when we eat, daddy?!"

Jongin chuckles. "You watch me?"

"Oh, everyday!" Yoonoh shouts excitedly. He moves around Sehun and extends his hand out to Kai. "I'm Yoonoh, your number one fan! Don't listen to my dad, he thinks he's your number one fan but I am. I know the dances very well."

Jongin's happiness is suddenly filled with nerves. He is someone to Yoonoh, but someone that is not his father. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. He doesn't know if Yoonoh will like this abrupt news or be afraid of it, because how is the man on their television also his father. He might hate him for deciding to have a career over spending time with him. He doesn't know Sehun has told their son about him.

"Sehun, please don't tell him." Jongin leaves his son's hand dangling in the air as he flees the bedroom. 

Jongin paces in the living room space with his hands in his face.

"What's wrong?"

"This was a bad idea."

"What do you mean? Don't you want us?"

"I do but…" Jongin looks to where Yoonoh is standing with his arms crossed at the top of the stairs. He pulls Sehun outside and cups his face. "I love you, and him. But you didn't think this through! He likes  _ Kai _ . Do you know how betrayed he'd feel if he finds out Kai is his father and left him? We know that's not the case but what if he hates me for this? He's too young to understand. I don't want him to hate me."

"He won't."

Jongin shakes his head. "I've got tour coming up in a few weeks, too. I can't even promise the next time I'll see you."

"We bought tickets."

"That's great, Sehun. But I can't do this."

Sehun clutches his arm tightly, forcing him to remain in place. He whines, "What part can't you do? Can't we still just date as of now? Let him know I have a love interest, and have him love you as well?"

"You'd want to tell him months from now? After we all spend time together, and suddenly break the news?"

"If you won't today, then when?!"

"Sehun, I don't know." Jongin whispers. He doesn't want anyone to be disappointed. There is not enough time to evaluate things, besides holding this off. He knows he can't keep it a secret forever and the future will have them all hurt. But what is there for now? "I still have a tour coming up and movie premieres. I wasn't expecting this today at all."

"How about… we tell him, now. You don't know him as I do, and no, I'm not blaming you, but he'd understand, please, Jongin." Sehun swings their hands together after looking at the window, probably realizing Yoonoh is not there. He continues to persuade, "Well discuss everything right now. Balance everything work related, then come back to us. Or make us apart of your life. He's not in school yet, and you know I am my own boss. We can work. Can't we travel the world together? If people find out, let them. I'm not going to use you, gosh we know how people would assume that! But you know what I do and I am good at it. We can work."

It seems too easy. But maybe too easy is easy. He eases into the options and squeezes Sehun's hand. "Okay, okay. We'll have to discuss this with Chanyeol."

Sehun smiles. "I think Yoonoh will like him."

"Let's go inside and talk to him then."

"You'll do fine. We'll explain and he will not dislike you. I promise."

Sehun and Jongin separate their intertwined fingers before Sehun guides him into the house. Yoonoh is squatting by the staircase, kicking at a toy whisk and a race car. He looks up with soft glinty eyes when they approach him closer.

“Me and daddy don’t keep secrets, Kai.” Yoonoh says quietly.

It breaks him, but he can only apologize. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you in on it.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I always forgive.” 

Yoonoh stands up and extends his hand out, shaking Jongin's. It's Jongin's first physical interaction with him and all he wants to do is hold him. Break down and squeeze him tight. But he can't just do that.

“You’re great Yoonoh.”

Yoonoh grins and sends him a thumbs up. “So the secret?”

“Ah yes. The secret. Listen, this is a new secret. It’s not Kai’s secret but it’s mine. You can’t get mad at him for it. Because it’s mine. It’s very important and I need you to know that nothing changes. I love you, Yoonoh. And Kai actually does, too.”

“He does?!” Yoonoh's eyes blast out and his mouth drops while he claps. 

“I do.”

Sehun stares at Jongin for a moment before nodding. He mumbles how he's j _ ust going to do it _ . And just like that, he says, “Kai is your other parent.”

Yoonoh snorts and that was not what Jongin was expecting. He wheezes and pokes his tongue out while saying, “Oh gosh that’s gross!”

Jongin feels a swarm of relief. He almost leans over and kisses Sehun but even that does not seem to be appropriate. He studies Yoonoh's expression which was thrilled and disgusted all at once, but now it just looks gloomy all over again.

“Wait, do you understand Yoonoh? You have another dad. You asked during your last birthday. And now you’re meeting him. There is two like you always wondered. Like the other kids, well, almost. But you get that it’s okay right.”

“I get it but…” Yoonoh trails off, avoiding Sehun's eyes.

“Hm?”

Yoonoh suddenly slaps Sehun's hand away and yells, “You kept a secret from me!”

“I didn’t want to, baby.”

“You hid my other daddy from me? And dad didn’t even know?!”

Sehun coughs, covering up a laugh. “Woah, calling you dad already.”

“Well yeah because you said he loves me and he’s my other parent. He's real! He is real. But you,” Yoonoh points his finger at Sehun with the most upset facial expression, “you never told me.”

Yoonoh runs away, stumbling back up the large staircase until there's a loud slam.

“Jongin." Sehun whimpers and sinks to the floor.

“I’m sorry, Sehun."

Jongin kneels down and wraps his arms around Sehun. He caresses his sides and drops his head against Sehun's shoulder.

Sehun laughs hysterically, hiccups in between every other breath. “I told you he wouldn’t be mad at you. He loves you, see?”

“Sehun, I’m sorry. I didn’t think he’d be disappointed in you."

“I didn’t either." Sehun sniffles. “But I know he'll understand soon enough."

Jongin smiles to himself, thinking about Yoonoh's first impression on him, all the way up until now. He adds, “He is a smart baby."

Sehun shrugs off Jongin's touch and starts to stand up. He reaches for Jongin's hands to help him up, too. He paces in circles for a few seconds before saying, “I should comfort him."

“Okay, well I have a scene to shoot I can email you details about what Chanyeol thinks." Jongin says while slipping his shoes back on.

“Just text me."

“I don’t—"

Sehun reaches in Jongin's back pocket and slips his phone out. He types away and hands it back.

"How'd you—"

"I still know you like your phone in your right back pocket. I guessed your password would be about Younghoon. Now you have my number, babe."

Jongin stands frozen in place. Sehun opens his door, pushes Jongin out and before Jongin can tell him goodbye, Sehun kisses him quickly and slams the door in his face.

  
  


"So, how'd it go?" Chanyeol says the moment he steps into his home.

"Wait, why are you here today?" Jongin asks curiously, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He's not supposed to be here today.

Chanyeol shrugs then looks over to Kyungsoo preparing a meal. It smells like carrots and peas, beef stew perhaps. One of Chanyeol's favorites. Jongin cringes immediately and wonders if he needs to hire someone to keep tabs on the two incase they taint his living room om, or even worse, his kitchen.

"Disgusting. Anyways, I'll let it slide. Fuck. You won't believe this, Chanyeol. We have to talk." 

Chanyeol perks up like a thrilled puppy, straightening up with wide, intent eyes. 

"So," Jongin sits across him and folds his hands on his lap, "I have a child."

"Uh, sure do. What the…"

Jongin stares at him intently, heart racing a thousand miles a minute. Here and now does he realize how tough it was for Sehun to confess to someone dear to him. He doesn't know what more he can say to Chanyeol to have him understand than to say it flat out.

"Me and Sehun have a kid together."

"Yes. Younghoon."

"Yeah, but we actually have one. Right now."

"You didn't intake something Sehun offered did you? What the fuck. I am contacting him right now. You were just patching up yourself. What did he do?"

There are footsteps interjecting Jongin's defense for Sehun. Kyungsoo stands with hands on his hips, blocking the window's sunlight, making the darkness from him feel intimidating. He says sharply, "What is going on?"

"Jongin is telling me he's got a kid when we already know that. He's acting delusional right now. He always reminds himself he has Younghoon but right now it's getting weird. Are you okay?"

The corners of Jongin's lips raise at the thought of Younghoon, Sehun, and now Yoonoh. 

Chanyeol scoffs from across him. "Dude, what the fuck."

"Wait. Just let him be. He just came from his ex's house, whom he had a child with. I'm sure he's a little shaken up."

"Or Sehun did something, knowing that asshole."

Jongin stands up and pulls Chanyeol off the couch and wraps his arms around him, bouncing up and down. He tugs Kyungsoo into the hug, wrapping his arms around both of their bodies while jumping in circles.

"It's good news!"

"Okay, spit it out then. I'm getting dizzy!" Chanyeol whines, pinching Jongin's ear and pulling him off.

Jongin winces and rubs his ear before adjusting his shirt and hair. He places his hands on Chanyeol's shoulders and says slowly, "Sehun and I have another child. Younghoon's brother. There is another one."

"That little fuckings shit!" Chanyeol grabs Jongin's collar and shoves him back. He begins stomping relentlessly in circles tugging his own hair.

"Chanyeol! It's a miracle. I'm not upset, why are you?"

"He can't come back five years later and tell you this. You missed out on five years of your child's life. I've been the only one to pick up your pieces and make sure you have the best within those times. Now he claims to have a kid with you. How do you know he isn't lying, is it even yours? He might leave you again and take your kid with him when you're the most vulnerable with all your money and fame."

Jongin frowns. He sees Chanyeol on the verge of tears and he is overwhelmed with how much Chanyeol cares. He never acknowledged his efforts enough and now its all out there for Jongin to grasp. He only wants to assure him that everything is fine.

"It's not like that. We still love each other and I met him, my baby. He looks like the both of us."

"Chanyeol, I think he's looking for a second chance — whoever Jongin's lover is. I think they'll be alright."

"Thank you, Kyungsoo. We both agreed. I'm still in love with him, he is, too. We're going to try again. He even suggested to come to tour with me and we can raise him together."

"What a leech. He's using you."

Heat boils in Jongin's veins for Chanyeol seeing Sehun so lowly. Jongin had some doubts over Sehun, but never questioned his intentions. 

He explains, "Sehun is doing well with his own life. He wants us to combine them together."

"I'm leaving." Chanyeol says sharply.

Kyungsoo interjects again with a hand on Chanyeol's chest, "Chanyeol, he has a child. Forget about Sehun. Don't you think Jongin is happy with their child. It doesn't mean they will mend right away, if anything. Jongin is given an opportunity with another life, that is the bright side if you aren't too happy about the other man."

"Until he leaves Jongin again." Chanyeol grips the door knob aggressively. "It took him five years. There's so much more he must be hiding. He doesn't care. Five years, come on."

The door slams abrasively and silence fills the room.

"He might have to sleep on it then realize how happy you will be."

"Yeah, I am. So, thank you." Jongin walks into the kitchen, Kyungsoo following slowly. "What's for lunch?"

"Beef stew."

Jongin smiles and reaches for two bowls.

… 

Chanyeol can't ignore him for too long. He is his manager after all. Jongin has to do everything he can before Chanyeol does something crazy like withdrawl from the position. He's not that insane to do so, but Jongin needs to be safe. He can't loose Chanyeol. Not as a manager, as a bodyguard. He can't loose him as his puppy-like best friend.

It's only been a few days but he will allow him to cool down. For now, he figures that it's a fair time to message Sehun to ask how Yoonoh is treating him.

> seems like weve both got people upset w us

< oh ??? chanyeol didnt take the news well?

> nope

> how is yoonohie?

< thats cute. he's okay. i had to explain some more to him. hes understanding why. 

> did you tell him its actually me whos the bad guy ??? :o

> of course not babe

< can we have dinner tomorrow? yoonoh too?

> id love that, just come over now.

Jongin leaves right away, bidding Kyungsoo an early day off. He asks if there is any schedule today, and Jongin being the bitter, irrational individual he feels like right now, he says that's Chanyeol's responsibility to tell him. He drives to Sehun's house without any obstacles, no fans, no news sources in sight. Their old house — Sehun and Yoonoh's home — is in the outskirts of the city, but still in the hills like Jongin's current home, where there is more than enough privacy.

As he waits for Sehun to open the door, he can't help but wonder if he'd come to live here since there are so much memories and Yoonoh is already comfortable with his art on the walls and toys sprawled out in every corner, or if the two would live with Jongin in his modern pent house, upsetting Kyungsoo if they stain orange juice on the carpet. They don't know if this will happen any time soon, though. Jongin cannot predict any of this. Kyungsoo is right, there could be a chance they do not work out and only support Yoonoh separately

"Kai!" Yoonoh shouts, squeezing his legs. "I mean… dad!"

"If it's weird you don't have to do that yet." Jongin says nervously. He'd want these things to feel natural, like the movies. Single dad has a child, dating a hot guy, then it's only a matter of time before the kid goes off calling him dad. Whether a movie, or real life, it seems the most appropriate way to go about with it.

Sehun lets him in by holding his hand. Jongin is welcomed with a sweet, familiar smell as he walks in. He embraces it while Sehun closes the door before dragging him into the kitchen.

"Kimchi fried rice, and Yoonoh likes seafood so much so there's just some random shell fish in there." Sehun mentions and pulls the seat out for Jongin.

Yoonoh groans, pulling his own seat out and another for a stuffed animal of his with some metal armor. He whines, "It's called crustacean, not just shellfish."

"Sorry, baby. Jongin there are  _ crustaceans _ like shrimp and mussels and clams."

Jongin nods and scoots in while Sehun serves him a plate. He says to Yoonoh, "Ever gone on a yacht or a submarine with a glass lower cabin?

"I don't know how safe that is!" Yoonoh retorts.

"The glass is really thick. I swear it's pretty safe. You can see some of them swimming at the bottom of the water. Maybe one day I'd take you, if your daddy lets you."

"Your all his too now, don't forget it." Sehun says. He always knew the right things to say because this makes Jongin's chest and stomach and everything do backflips.

The afternoon fills with laughter being exchanged amongst the three, and silly facts coming from Yoonoh. Jongin manages to learn that Baekhyun is actually very close in both of their lives, and while Jongin had always been okay with Baekhyun, he is wanting to try to mend their relationship because Sehun told Jongin that Baekhyun is the one who's always tried to bring Sehun to his senses. He's always tried to get Sehun to tell Jongin these things. The least Jongin can do is give him gratitude, even if Baekhyun will reply with something within the lines of doing it for Sehun and the two boys, and not Jongin. He can accept that. He'd do anything for Sehun, and Younghoon and Yoonoh.

Yoonoh knows he has another brother, but he doesn't know where he is. Sehun just told him that he went away before Yoonoh came. It's enough for a child at that age to know. Sehun says that he and Jongin can figure it out eventually, and most likely before he turns twelve.

Sehun invites Jongin to their movie night, wanting him to stay over but he unfortunately declines, needing to have a final dinner wit his co-stars before the dinner release. He thinks to tell Sehun this could be the perfect time to confess their relationship to the public — KAI's red carpet during the film premiere — but he doesn't know how Sehun feels about that. The media might go mad with Sehun being not in the same level as Jongin, and that would deeply hurt him and put Yoonoh in danger.

  
  


So, he does have a schedule, and he knows. Even if he told Kyungsoo otherwise. Now he just wonders if Chanyeol will be present or not. Luckily, much like earlier, Jongin knows how to navigate around without Chanyeol. He makes it to the dinner safely and spots Chanyeol sitting amongst other managers at another table. Jongin decides to take his own place near Hwasa. It's strange to look at her in a different way, in the way he was forcing himself to, just weeks ago. He hopes he didn't do too much. He hopes he didn't let things get too deep.

Fortunately, it doesn't appear so, because Hwasa clings onto another actor when they are dismissed from their meal. The entire buzz were about outfits, hard times, and the afterparty for the premiere.

Jongin makes his way to Chanyeol and grabs his shoulder to haul him back.

"Hey." Jongin says lowly.

"Jongin." Chanyeol says just as disinterested and flat.

Jongin stares at him, unsure of what to say. He doesn't know exactly what else comes next because he just wants to see his friend again. He doesn't want him to ignore him, even if he doesn't agree with what Chanyeol believes at all. 

"Can you just listen to what Kyungsoo said? Don't think about Sehun. I have a second opportunity. And no, I am never going to forget Younghoon either, so you don't even have to worry or blame Yoonoh or Sehun. It's like me and Sehun were meant to be and start over. Don't you understand? And I did try to move on. For me, you, and Younghoon, but she looks quite happy, doesn't she? We weren't meant to work. It's me and Sehun. Chanyeol…"

Chanyeol's eyebrows knit and he places his hands over his face, sighing into them. He walks out with Jongin following as they get a whiff of the cool air with the lights twinkling behind them bright and tiny. 

"Okay, I get it." Chanyeol says easily. "But don't expect me to ever warm up to him."

Jongin grins and jumps around in his place. "You've got it! But, you wouldn't do that to my son, would you? Don't you dare. Or… I don't know, I'll never let you meet him before you break his heart."

"Me, hating children? Come on, that is not something I am capable of. Even if he is the spawn of a dickhead so-called Sehun."

Jongin actually laughs. He laughs and laughs before wrapping his arms around Chanyeol securingly. The only person who's been here besides his fans. He's one of the few people that expect better out of him. He's one of the few people that Jongin does things for.

Everything feels right and it's all slowly falling into place.

… 

“It’s daddy’s first tour date!” Sehun cheers through the phone screen.

Sehun and Yoonoh are not able to make it to Kai’s first performance in the states, but he promises that they’ll kick off the first weekend together and try to go to as many shows as possible. He finds priority in finishing up all his film editing before taking this big leap. Jongin trusts his motives and supports him entirely.

There's a wonderful light that he feels in his system, like things are getting better. He can physically feel that and it is obviously because a part of him that has been missing for so long is finally fulfilled. Younghoon will always be with him, but now there is Yoonoh to live for him as well, and now Jongin feels like he is living for somebody, too. Then there is Sehun.

"He's being a bit antsy right now, he doesn't want to talk because he's dancing to your music," Sehun sighs with an exhausted expression on his face that is so cute, Jongin wants to kiss it off his face.

"It's okay, I know he's rooting for me," Jongin brings the phone closer to his face, "But are you?"

"Of course I am," Sehun replies confidently.

Jongin flashes him a smile then announces, "I have to get ready, I go on in thirty."

"Okay, we love you. Have fun, good luck. Tell us all about it when you're not too tired, even if that means tomorrow and not tonight."

"I promise I'll call after the show."

"Call when you can," Sehun says, and more stern this time. He reminds Jongin of how Sehun always had been. Just like this, so persistent, so careful and caring over Jongin.

"Okay, okay, I'll call you when I get to the hotel, after the show."

Sehun pouts and then shouts something that Jongin cannot entirely hear but he senses something about how Yoonoh shouldn't jump off the stairs even if Jongin did it in a music video. In Jongin's defense, he did that as a representation of freeing himself, it was actually his best music video where he looked his best as well. Jongin would think it's quite special and inspirational of a scene, but then again, his son shouldn't be jumping off anything.

To feel like a parent — finally, since he hasn't really gotten a moment like that yet with Yoonoh — he teasingly shouts, "Yoonoh, no jumping off the stairs or you will get an injury!"

"Fine, fine. Geez, gang up on me!" Yoonoh shouts back in the distance.

Sehun calls, "Come say good luck to your dad!"

Yoonoh appears on the screen with nothing but a bright smile and one of Kai's snapbacks. He raises a thumbs up then blows a kiss to Jongin. His front tooth is missing and for a moment Jongin is torn thinking about the things that he's missed, but with the way that he smiles at him so sweetly, Jongin finds himself remembering that he'll have plenty of time to get to know and experience everything else with Yoonoh. 

"I see you staring at my tooth! It fell out last night. See it? I wanted daddy to send you a picture but clearly he did not!"

"Baby, I wanted him to see in the video for himself."

"Ugh, dad. Not in front of him. I'm not a baby!"

"You're our baby," Jongin adds into the mix.

"I still have baby teeth, so I guess!"

Chanyeol waves him down before running over to him. He's about to speak until Jongin points at his phone. Chanyeol goes to his side and looks at the screen, glaring when he spots Sehun but then immediately grinning at the sight of Yoonoh.

"Hi, I am Uncle Channie!"

"I know you! Your like Kai's prince. Like a body gaurd or something!"

"You can say that. And I'll always be your guard, too, alright?"

"Sounds cool!"

Chanyeol stares at Sehun for a moment too long before commenting, "Nice to see you. You look great. Jongin is on in twenty so say your goodbyes." And with that he storms off further backstage.

Sehun's eyes are wide and his jaw hangs. "Did he just compliment me?"

"Uh, yeah… I think so."

"Well he is right about two things. You gotta go, so have fun, be safe. We'll be shooting our videos for this month. One day you should be our guest star if you'd like?"

"Let's talk about this another time, but of course. I love you both, too, bye."

Before Jongin can hang up, Sehun kisses his camera screen then drops the phone quick and suddenly, then there's some more shouting from Yoonoh on how he wants Sehun to set up the channel for Jongin's performance on his tablet. 

Because of this Jongin is going to be alright. He hears the sounds of his fans screaming with every step he takes, closer and closer to the stage, and he then thinks, he'll be more than alright. And then they are placing Jongin's ear-piece with Younghoon's initials on it, and he knows he'll be better than alright.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you sm for reading! there might be additional chapters (will) because im not ready to let this fic go! after I am revealed I wanna add more! subscribe! was it what you expected? :0


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